Dealing With Self Comparison.

One of the easiest ways to fall into misery is to compare yourself to other people. Yes, it’s totally normal to compare yourself to someone richer, smarter, more attractive or more successful every once in a while, but a constant practice of this behavior not only brings down your self-esteem, but also disarrays you mentally.


Several things lead to self-comparison; it could be self-pity, inferiority complex, competition, or even being compared to in the past.

But, no matter what the reason behind the need to compare yourself to someone else is, the most important things you must establish within yourself are-

  1. Everybody was created differently.

No two people were made the same way. Every single person in this world was born with a different identity, a different destiny and has a different story to tell. Understanding that you and your friend, you and your neighbor or even you and your twin are entirely different people will help you realize how pointless and demoralizing self-comparison is.

Yes it’s common for people to say, “why can’t you be like this person?” or “why can’t you act like that person?”

Well, the truth of the matter is, you were not created to be someone else and no one was created to be you.

Everything you are, everything you are not, every problem in your life, every flaw and every weakness was ordained for nobody else but YOU.

If you are not rich or famous, you have to realize that not everyone was born to be rich or famous.

In society, we will have the affluent, the comfortable and the deprived, while we will have the famous, the popular, and the obscure. Find your own purpose and acknowledge the level where God has put you because you are there for a reason.

I’ve seen people try tirelessly to become something they are not, and when the results don’t correlate with their expectations, they start asking why. Well, why is, that person you’re trying to be has already been taken. Be who you are meant to be, not someone else.

We all have unique and separate destinies; it’s just a part of life that we desperately need to understand.

  1. Embrace the good things about yourself.

Whether you like it or not, there is something good, admirable and virtuous about everybody. Even Osama Bin Laden must have had something good about him; nobody was born into this world a devil.

Search yourself thoroughly and become aware of your own strengths and successes. There is definitely something about you that’s worth emulating. Do you have the capacity to love? Are you trustworthy? Are you a good leader? Do you have the ability to make people smile? Are you influential? Can you cook well? Find something. Anything.

Your soul and inner being determines so much more than your attractiveness.

You can emulate others, but do not condemn yourself.

Start celebrating the little things about you that are good, and stop looking at the qualities in other people. Once again, everybody is different in his or her own way.

  1. Appreciate what you have

Human beings are forever hungry and desperate to get more than what they already have. We are always eager to obtain the best things in life and some people are willing to get them at any expense. Likewise, we often get so caught up in the desire to have one thing or the other that we totally forget to acknowledge the things we DO have.

I am a victim of this myself.

I often complained so much about every little thing in the past, to the point where I felt I had nothing. It was not until the day I chose to write down a list of things I was thankful for, that I realized how blessed and favored I actually was.

The things to be thankful for in life are limitless.

Take time out to count your blessings and appreciate everything you are fortunate enough to have.

Someone out there is praying for what you see as “nothing” so stop complaining and start appreciating.

  1. Nobody has a perfect life.

I can assure you that people today can stumble upon someone’s instagram page and instantly feel depressed.

Yes, social media has now become a platform to show the world how luxurious one’s life is.

Just because a girl has 5 Cartier bracelets on one wrist and a Rolex on the other, does not mean her life is perfect. It does not mean she has everything going for her, or she doesn’t have worries.

You can never truly know what someone is going through; hence it is not safe to say you wish you had his or her life. Not everything is as it seems. The happiest people may have the darkest lives.

Everybody has his or her own trials to deal with. No one has a perfect life. You would be surprised that the people you compare yourself to might be dealing with much worse situations than you are.

Let’s take for example, Mrs. X, who is a world-renowned actress, living big in Hollywood with a net worth of $15 million. A clerk in a war-torn city, earning $200 each month might compare her life to that of Mrs. X and instantly feel sorry for herself. Little does she know that Mrs. X, as “unflawed” as her life may seem, cannot go a day without being harassed by paparazzi, is battling depression, has a husband with terminal cancer, is barren and has to deal with constant hate and criticism from the media.

You can see that not all that glitters is gold.

That person you have been envying and comparing yourself with is not living a painless life. Everybody is suffering in one way or the other, and has his or her own cross to carry.

Stop placing your life beside that of someone else’s. Learn to love yourself and the life you have, irrespective of what’s in your bank account, what’s parked in your garage, or how many visa stamps are on your passport.

There is no point being miserable and living sorrowfully just because someone’s life appears to be nicer than yours.

Embrace your own qualities and be thankful for them, because there are people out there who would kill to have a quarter of what you have.

Try not to get lost in comparing yourself to others. Discover your gifts and let them shine! — Jennie Finch

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